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Dear Future Wife

November 20, 2011

I have read a lot of stuffs, some made me cry…literally..others made me laugh, some made think and a few, wish but when i read a post on Kemmiiii’s blog…I knew I had to write…thus the reply below…To really understand the reply, I would advise that you check out the main letter: “Dear Future Husband

 

 

Office behind Altar

Mars

Awesome Grace Villa

Venus

 

My dearest future wife …

The only manna in my desert, the only verse in my bible, the only plague that can catch me…Yes! That’s you my dear future wife.

Your letter couldn’t have come at a better time. I had just concluded my evening private deliverance session with Amaka and Adaeze…those girls were really possessed. You won’t believe they kept dancing and performing without their clothes on, but trust me, I handled everything well and they all left smiling.

I know you dream of marrying an engineer but I want to tell you that with a little faith, nothing is impossible and if your papa no gree me marry you because he wants a share of the national cake, he would be amazed when I start working signs and wonders. First, I would turn akara into cake, all that would be left would be writing “National” across it.

You can trust that I am good at being very attentive. As a matter of fact, I took up my calling before I was even called. I didn’t want to carry last and I made sure I learnt my lesson from young brother Samuel.

I have gone through your commandments and I would do my best not to break any one of them, so therefore, I would like to tell you how I feel about them.

  1. I have no problem with this commandment. Being the self proclaimed preacher that I am, I totally understand our mission here on earth, so I promise to obey and carry it out every morning, afternoon, evening, between morning & afternoon, between afternoon & evening, before and after every church service, during altar calls, while thanksgiving is going on, before announcement, whenever we visit the sick, in the children’s section, during retreats and above all, every night vigil without fail.
  2. I am very happy that you love babies, as a matter of fact, I do too. Many of my female participants, I mean members can testify to the miracles that happen whenever they come for private deliverances, counseling and breakthroughs. Most of them end up with beautiful babies, so if you want ten or fifty, I want to assure you that my prayers haven’t failed me privately or publicly and thus, I wouldn’t disappoint you.
  3. My Angel!! You wouldn’t have to worry about cooking once we are married. I would teach you the secrets behind dry fasting for 50 days and 50 nights and as regards to our children, they would start their own when they stop suckling. They would start with semi wet fasting so when they grow they would be trained on how to fast and they wouldn’t depart from its ways.
  4.  As I strongly believe that cleanliness is next to Godliness, I wouldn’t want you to soil your hands or garments with unclean things while trying to put the house in order. Notwithstanding, I want to assure you that you need not worry about Ekaettee’s…the whole of my female choristers would take turns to help clean up and put things in order, especially with sister Bisi in charge. You know that young lady sure has a lot of potentials, you need to see her oral and vocal skills…it would reduce any man to tears.
  5. Ah! I knew you would want date nights, so because of you, I have been talking to the elders and without their consent, I have decided to hold love feast every month end. This one would be much better than eating in Mr. Biggs or anywhere for that matter as the congregation would bring all kinds of food to share as a way to show love then all the wardens would act as our waiters…can it get any more romantic than that?
  6. I have been thinking a lot about the best way to propose to you…well, I am still waiting to see a vision, but just incase it delays as it does sometimes, I have an option B…I would do it during Altar call…just imagine when people would be making holy and remorse/repentant faces and the choir would be singing those slow songs, I would grab the mike and propose to you…it would be a shocker, but that would be the fun in it, way much better than jumping from high places, shebi even Bro’s J didn’t want to jump sef??
  7.  I am very happy that you have decided to leave the choosing of our song to me. I am highly privileged. Well, I am thinking of that song those Ghana boys; Bollie did “Kiss your bride”, and then spicing it up by having Oristejafor sing it with his “mercies of the lord” voice. I promise, the remix would be magical.
  8.  One of my favorite verses in the Bible is “spare the rod and spoil the child” or something like that, you know how different Bible’s write differently, well…you need not worry as I would not lay a finger to the hair of any of our children. By the time they are through with all the children seminars, bible recitations and fasting, they wouldnt have much time to think of doing any evil, thus putting the chance of spoiling them at zero.

I would be waiting for extra commandments…you know, you still have spaces for two more. I should also inform you that you should expect me anytime as I would come like a thief in the day, but if it falls on a service day, it would most certainly be after offering time.

With so much love and other holy fruits,

                                                            Rev- Pastor-Apostle-Deacon-Prophet-Seer Evangelist- Bishop Belly.

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4 Comments
  1. nana-hauwa permalink

    This is too funny. Yall are cracking me up at the office

  2. Cool…
    I’ve alwayz thought what it’ll sound like when a preacher & his wife is having sex

    preacher’s wife- “let your anointing rain on me”

    preacher ” the spirit is cuming down on you”

  3. worldsrichest permalink

    Reblogged this on worldsrichest and commented:
    This letter got me cracking!!!
    Awesome Grace Villa

    Venus

    My dearest future wife …

    The only manna in my desert, the only verse in my bible, the only plague that can catch me…Yes! That’s you my dear future wife.

    You letter couldn’t have come at a better time. I had just concluded my evening private deliverance session with Amaka and Adaeze…those girls were really possessed. You won’t believe they kept dancing and performing without their clothes on, but trust me, I handled everything well and they all left smiling.

    I know you dream of marrying an engineer but I want to tell you that with a little faith, nothing is impossible and if your papa no gree me marry you because he wants a share of national cake, he would be amazed when I start working signs and wonders. First, I would turn akara into cake, all that would be left would be writing “National” across it.

    You can trust that I am good at being very attentive. As a matter of fact, I took up my calling before I was even called. I didn’t want to carry last and I made sure I learnt my lesson from young brother Samuel.

    I have gone through your commandments and I would do my best not to break any one of them, so therefore, I would like to tell you how I feel about them.

    1. I have no problem with this commandment. Being the self proclaimed preacher that I am, I totally understand our mission here on earth, so I promise to obey and carry it out every morning, afternoon, evening, between morning & afternoon, between afternoon & evening, before and after every church service, during altar calls, while thanksgiving is going on, before announcement, whenever we visit the sick, in the children’s section, during retreats and above all, every night vigil without fail.
    2. I am very happy that you love babies, as a matter of fact, I do too. Many of my female participants, I mean members can testify to the miracles that happen whenever they come for private deliverances, counseling and breakthroughs. Most of them end up with beautiful babies, so if you want ten or fifty, I want to assure you that with my prayers haven’t failed me in private or public and thus, I wouldn’t disappoint you.
    3. My Angel!! You wouldn’t have to worry about cooking once we are married. I would teach you the secrets behind dry fasting for 50 days and 50 nights and as regards to our children, they would start their own when they stop suckling. They would start with semi wet fasting so when they grow they would be trained on how to fast and they wouldn’t depart from its ways.
    4. As I strongly believe that cleanliness is next to Godliness, I wouldn’t want you to soil your hands or garments with unclean things while trying to put the house in order. Notwithstanding, I want to assure you that you need not worry about Ekaettee’s…the whole of my female choristers would take turns to help clean up and put things in order, especially with sister Bisi in charge. You know that young lady sure has a lot of potentials, you need to see her oral and vocal skills…it would reduce any man to tears.
    5. Ah! I knew you would want date nights, so because of you, I have been talking to the elders and without their consent, I have decided to hold love feast every month end. This one would be much better than eating in Mr. Biggs or anywhere for that matter as the congregation would bring assorted food to share as a way to show love plus all the wardens would act as our waiters…could it get any more romantic than that?
    6. I have been thinking a lot about the best way to propose to you…well, I am still waiting to see a vision, but just incase it delays as it does sometimes, I have an option B…I would do it during Altar call…just imagine when people would be making holy and remorse/repentant faces and the choir would be singing those slow songs, I would grab the mike and propose to you…it would be a shocker, but that would be the fun in it, way much better than jumping from high places, shebi even Bro’s J didn’t want to jump sef??
    7. I am very happy that you have decided to leave the choosing of our song to me. I am highly privileged. Well, I am thinking of that song those Ghana boys; Bollie did “Kiss your bride”, and then spicing it up by having Oristejafor sing it with his “mercies of the lord” voice. I promise, the remix would be magical.
    8. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is “spare the rod and spoil the child” or something like that, you know how different Bible’s write differently, well…you need not worry as I would not lay a finger to the hair of any of our children. By the time they are through with all the children seminars, bible recitations and fasting, they would have much time to think of doing any evil, thus putting the chance of spoiling them at zero.

    I would be waiting for extra commandments…you know, you still have space for two more. I should also inform you that you should expect me anytime as I would come like a thief in the day, but if it falls on a service day, it would most certainly be after offering time.

    With so much love and other holy fruits,

    Rev- Pastor-Apostle-Deacon-Prophet-Seer Evangelist- Bishop Belly.

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